Okay, so this is backwards, but bear with me for a moment. I attempted to do Camp Nano
this year, but it has been almost completely a wash. Despite having two "novel ideas" plotted out and ready to go, I've barely had time to sit down and think this month, let alone write. I've given it up as a bad job for June. I'll try again in August.
There really is no bad. I just needed a nifty sounding journal title and this is what I came up with. Wait, here's some bad. The other day, my wonderful -- if somewhat hare brained -- husband took my house key because he couldn't find his. He didn't tell me. Fast forward several hours, we left for the gym. I locked up from the inside like I always do and we headed off. Get home some time later and realize we are locked out of the house. 10 minutes later, he manages to get in through one of the windows and let me in. Five minutes after that, there's pounding at my front door. I look outside and there are several law-enforcement vehicles and two very angry police men waiting for me to open the door. Which I do. Spent the next 10 minutes convincing them that yes, we really do live here. No, we didn't hang family portraits up on the walls just to trick them. Etc. etc. It was fun times. Apparently there's been a rash of home invasions here on post and they're taking this all very seriously. Big shout out to whichever neighbor saw some man climbing in my window and decided to call the cops. Good lookin' out bro.
Now onto the truly exciting part of the journal. As most of you know, the beginning of my year was pretty awful. I lost a dear, dear friend to suicide and I did not handle that as well as I would have hoped. I appreciate you all dealing with my mopy, whiny, bitchy and otherwise unpleasant journals.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most of you do not know that I've 'struggled' with my weight since I was a young(ish) girl. At my heaviest, I was a whopping 410 pounds (186 Kilo or nearly 29.25 Stone for those of you who don't speak pounds). I cannot hope to convey, to anyone, what it's like to weigh that much. I've been relatively fortunate in that I've rarely been discriminated against or bullied (except middle school) because of my weight, but the psychological stuff that goes along with that kind of weight gain is so much worse than anything that an outside person can say to you. It's not that I hate myself, because I really don't, but there is a near constant loop of self-defeating thoughts that run through a person's mind. It's hard to ignore and it's hard to understand if you don't experience it.
I made a goal at the beginning of the year, shortly before I found out about my friend, that I was going to actively try to improve my life. It wasn't like my earlier, wimpy decisions to maybe try and lose weight perhaps. This was one of those decisions with the full weight of my stubborn-ass determination behind it. I decided that I wanted to be a mother, and be happy, and healthy. I wanted to travel to France and Ireland and Greece (if they ever get their shit together) and Egypt (them to). I wanted to go to amusement parks and water parks and hike in the Rockies, perhaps go skiing in New York. None of these things were possible, nor would they ever be if I continued to ignore what I was doing to my body.
So I changed it.
I won't go into the nitty-gritty. That shit's boring and I don't like reading it so I won't make you, but it's been just a little over six months since I began my journey and I am happy to say that I have lost, as of my last official weigh-in, over 60 pounds. Since I haven't touched a scale since Jan. 1, I was under the impression that I had lost maybe 20-25 pounds since beginning, and prepared to be thrilled about it. When the numbers came up on the scale, I literally squealed out-loud and did a little jig. I am officially over 25% of the way to my goal weight.
I know this is one of those incredibly obnoxious "all about me" journals, but next time maybe I'll feature some other people's success stories. Have you done anything you're super proud of lately? Tell me all about it!
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